Trying to get it together but I am home alone till Wednesday night and under no obligation to eat anything.

I should stop this foolishness now, but there is a horrible nagging in my head telling me I could be 89 by April 1st.

Back on track... back to shrinking.

back to wasting away...

my life.
my love.
my everything.

I am a stupid person for being this way, we all are.

I don't know what to say. I never write unless my world is falling apart which leads to shit entries like my last one. Makes me seem like a drama queen, or atleast like my world is shit, when it really isn't. I have a good life, and for the first time since about age 12 I think I'm actually starting to feel happy.

On the e.d. front I have been doing okay. Every single day I want/feel-like I'm going to relapse. So far it hasn't happened but it still might. I can't stand the fact that my body is growing. Bones covered under layers and layers of flesh. I'm worried it won't ever stop even though I know thats crap. I worry that maybe I've broken 100lbs, but probably not. Like that would be the end of the world or something.

I'm an atheist so saying I prayed last night is a lie, but I wished last night that I could just be over this. Stop having these thoughts in my head, stop feeling like crap for doing normal things.

On another note, Somethings on Xanga have really been annoying me to the point where I don't want to be here much anymore. I'll see what happens.

My internet looks strange. I think I pressed the magnify button but now I'm too lazy to find it and de-magnify it. It would be easy if I just got the new internet explorer. (Yes, by new I mean been out forever) But I'm avoided it. Even though I had it for a year or so before I had to reformat my harddrive... twice. Something about tabs. Yeah they are easy, Yeah they make sence. But isn't it much more comforting to have to go through all the work of opening a new window? Kicking it old school... or some such. I miss tabs, but damn it! I'm not installing it, no matter how hard my computer begs for it. I am the worst computer science major ever. I hate computers and really... other then writing really pointless programs, I know nothing about them.

I like LCDs though, You can get the randomest crap with pretty LCDs all over it. I mean shit that is supposed to go in your computer, hidden from the world. LCD processors and LCD fans. Sure are pretty but WTF? they are in a case. Woah you say! You could get a clear case... yeah... that would amuse me for about 30 seconds. And I really went out and bought a USB cable with LCDs. Okay the truth is it was on sale and I don't think I even knew it had lights at the time, but then I get home, take it out of the package, and then at that very moment the all powerful computer man who makes all technology happen (the mafia I assume) decided USB isn't good anymore. Now you need USBb. Now I have 50 USBb cables pileing up around my house, because EVERYTHING comes with one, they don't assume you already have one. And to top it all off, none of them have LCDs. Blah.

To top off all my computer woes my laptop currently needs a new battery. So I ordered one... a month ago. Apparently its still "in production." I doubt they even manufacture the batteries themselves, they probably just get a robot to stick it in a box. But come on... a month? So my laptop is dead enough that I can't take it to shool which means all my lecture notes get written out by hand. Nothing like programming notes written by hand. The estimated arival date of this magical made by hobbits battery is the 30th. Yeah.... right. Its going to get from Ontario to Alberta in 3 days. Probably with ground shipping.

So this is a long rant, And I didn't talk about anything I wanted too... but Its 1am and I have two tests tomorrow and I've got to be up at 8.